Not alright
by Sam Moe
Stillwater, still the water in her bucket made of iron, rusted, holes, the wet earth, supposed to be fresh coils of grass, instead goats are out here performing tricks, sheep with coats like clouds, well-water is coldest, reminds me of her, the women trapped in the well, how many did you drown before me, how many know what you do on your farm, my mother asks if I’m still dating the moth woman, doesn’t like sounds of you walking on the floors of our house, you’re haunted, she doesn’t know you’re gone, good and green, young fire, old cigarette rolled when hands didn’t hurt, not to be confused with hurting hands lightning, my baby, how many years has it been, how many times do I have to beg, if this is goodbye please wash my nightgown, if you’re gone cut the clothesline down, take mountains from their perches on the grass, wrap my heart in butcher paper please use the good knife, steady the water bucket, reflection is nothing more than a trick, a lie, a lack of confidence, I’m the pretty haunted thing in the well, am I water, am I in the position to ask these questions, please tell me why I’m still in your life, which is it—too many years passed by or you’re tired, sick of milk teeth and honey tongues—no more tucking me into bed in the old farms, the hay leaves, even the cows know something is wrong, at least they’ll still get fed, at least they’re still soft, still nearby, each so glossy beneath the moon, just a trick, a screw, a small smile in the lake water, soon storm, soon screw you and what you think she did to me, navy-noon, the two of you starved me of love, replaced dinner with bones, no more oyster meat, just shell. I’m a sham, time doesn’t matter, come what may this May, I don’t know if you’ll be here by next summer, but I still remember what it felt like when we first spoke.
Sam Moe is the author of three poetry collections, including Cicatrizing the Daughters (FlowerSong Press, forthcoming Winter 2024), Grief Birds (Bullshit Lit, 2023), Heart Weeds (Alien Buddha Press), and the chapbook Animal Heart (Harvard Square Press 2024). Her short story collection, I Might Trust You is forthcoming from Experiments in Fiction (Winter 2024). She has received fellowships from the Longleaf Writer’s Conference and the Key West Literary Seminar and an artist residency from Château d’Orquevaux.