EEG Scan
by Anastasia Jill
Nerves flirt with skin because I need a hug / bad / and no one in the room will hug me / so my axons do the sideways monster mash / mimic intimacy / while my mom is dying / because I have nobody else / to save me / I feel their ejections / milky static down my arms / into my chest / while the hospice chaplain asks me if she believes in God / I shouldn’t laugh / but I do / because me and my mom’s body / have watched TLC / all damn day / 90 Day Fiance / Dr. Pimple Popper / My Feet are Killing Me / My 600 Pound Life / the chorus of grief / as a patient asks Dr. Now
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD?
My mom believes in God / will meet him in a few minutes / too / and I have to stifle a grin as I tell this man / My mom is Catholic / and I am losing my GOD / damned mind / She’s actively dying / and the EEG wires are still glued like a cyborg to her head / little electric humps on a white screen / producing nothing / She is brain dead / now / and I am alone / and have been / since 3:34 p.m. / Save for / the nephrology nurse / and the other nurse / in the sunflower scrubs / who cries and tells me that / her mom died too / they bring in coffee and cookies / and my bones crush eggshells / to be noticed / to be held / to get someone in here / a technician / to disconnect the electroencephalogram / from her scalp but they don’t / she dies connected / little misfires pumping strong / after she’s gone / Hoarders is on the television / I hold her mottled hand /and the wires stay on / until the last office / and we are all alone / no messiah / in this room / so / yes
I BELIEVE IN GOD
but I keep the scan on paper / in case I need to understand / how much he takes /and his choices on who he wants to save
Anastasia Jill (they/them) is a queer writer living in Central Florida. They have been nominated for Best American Short Stories, The Pushcart Prize, and several other honors. Their work has been featured or is upcoming with Poets.org, Sundog Lit, Flash Fiction Online, Contemporary Verse 2, Broken Pencil, and more.